he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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