You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
