He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
