K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
