I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
