Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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