Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
