Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
