im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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