do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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