oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
