You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
