The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize