i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
