I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
