I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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