Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
