I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
