umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize