the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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