I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
