she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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