I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
