why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
