His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
