I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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