we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize