So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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