im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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