Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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