You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
