How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize