am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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