Your tits are I can't wait for
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
