I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
