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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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