He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are we still banned from the library?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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