dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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