Is it because I queefed?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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