I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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