then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
