yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
