Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
