I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
