shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
