Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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