You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize