You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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