I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
