dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
