Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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