Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
