Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"