look no pants
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
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It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.