Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."