dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on