Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night