I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.