Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
