I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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