I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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