my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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