If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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